Coping with change

 

Years ago my bed linens became a window into my own psyche.

‘Tis a strange statement from someone who rarely makes her bed. I tried for years to take the Martha Stewart High Road (even google-ing how to fold a fitted sheet—life is waaaay to short for that, btw) and it just didn’t take. So I just closed the ‘ole bedroom door and prayed that none of my guests wanted to take an upstairs tour.

I digress…

Back to deep thoughts about pillow cases and dust ruffles….It began the day PH came home and asked me if I still had a spirit of adventure…such a loaded question! It was more like spirit of relaxation in that moment because we had only been in our house a year and 1/2 after a very long building process (our DREAM home, I might add). I was only two days past unpacking the last box, for cryin’ out loud!

“Adventure? What kind of adventure?”

Heavy sigh from me.

Wide-eyed wonder from PH.

He’d been offered a promotion in his company and it required a New York address. He launched into the our-kids-are-young-and-flexible-it-would-be-so-fun-to-do-something-rash  speech and all I could do was look around at the plates and pans that finally found their final resting cabinet place.

Luckily, my spouse was clued in to my Wanderlust nature when we first got together. He was counting on me thinking about the positives (Manhattan fun, snow storms, road trips to new places, learning to say Cwa-fee and dwag), yet all I can do was bite my nails and ask a million questions about what his other options were.

After two look-see visits, a lot of freaking out about how little you get for your money anywhere near the city, and one very teary-eyed talk with our extended family, we did it: Packed up two toddlers (one that had been potty-trained 4 days prior), 16,000 lbs of stuff and drove 8 days to start our new life.

This confessional writing is not about our move, our NY experience or even how we decided to return to the Northwest…it’s about the weeks in between when we really weren’t sure if we were going to do it.

The

agonizing

feeling

of

letting

go

and

letting

the

answer

unfold

on

its

own.

Enter the bed linens….

I started doing something really weird. Like, strange
Who-am-I?” weird.

I started ironing my pillowcases and the top sheet and made my bed every day. At first I tried to ignore this behavior and pretend to myself that it was perfectly normal. But, really? An iron and board set up in my bedroom for weeks? Randomness of random.

As we got closer to saying the final yes and set out to make an appt. with our selling realtor, I broke it down for myself in a journal. First, I was beginning to see a metaphor—ironing out the wrinkles and making something perfect was very therapeutic when my life was about to be turned upside down.  I also came to some interesting conclusions:

I do not like to feel like things are out of my control.

My first inclination with change is to be fearful.

I elicit control in strange ways when I feel helpless.

And here’s an even funnier element of this little tale—I continued to iron away even when I figured out the psychology behind it! Cracked myself up. Of course, NY turned out to be fantastic and I look on that move as a total God-thing because it really has added to our lives as a family. The moment we pulled out of the driveway, I released the sheets, the iron, the need to know what comes next. The whole experience taught me trust.  Trust that it’s really out of my hands and I have to let God take me down a road even when there’s too much fog for me to see anything.

I’m in that process right now with a new life path…the fog-filled road, I mean. Thankfully the iron has stayed in its dusty spot throughout this process and I’m embracing my 2013 word RELEASE. I guess it’s because the past forks in the road proved to be such great ones when I just let go and ride the wave.

What about you? What’s your ironed sheet when you face the unknown?

Happy week, lovelies~

OX.

This entry was posted in Confessional Sunday, Fabulous family time, MPG stirrings, MPG travelista and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Coping with change

  1. Beth says:

    Lists. That I may or may not follow.
    I hope you can tell us soon about your big decision. Blessings!

  2. Man, is this post timely! After freaking out & crying last Friday about our very sudden decision to move (this next weekend!! ), I think I’ve finally got a grip. Last year my “word” was SURRENDER. It was a huge lesson on finally understanding that I’m not in control and trusting the Author of my life. I thought I conquered that whole trust thing, but apparently not. This upcoming change is bringing fear and anxiety back to the surface. The packing, starting over, making new friends…things I would rather not do, plus add the fact that I will be homeschooling my kids for the rest of the school year and am praying I don’t screw it up! But I know as i look back on all our other moves (to TX, SC, TN, & now AL), I can look back and see how much we needed each of those places to grow and be challenged. Maybe I’m just tired of being stretched :)

    I think my husband would LOVE it, if CHANGE caused me to start making our bed! ha! It’s much better than my crawl-into-a-hole-and-cry thing I do. Can’t wait to hear about this new adventure ahead of you, friend!!!!

  3. kimberly says:

    I love your word- yay!!! I really needed this post today- thank you. Life is full of adventures- and not all of them are planned by us…
    Love you.
    x

  4. Shelley Kinnison says:

    ahhhhh, anything tedious! Gluing a million rhinestones onto an unexpected object, I mod podged an entire refrigerator with images, tiling a floor with pennies. As I look at this, it mostly involved gluing things to inanimate objects!! Best wishes on your latest adventure!!

  5. Holly says:

    Hi Lara,

    I remember as a child, when our family moved, (and we moved a lot), my Dad would walk in and say, we leave in 2 weeks. My Mom would take out the ironing board and start ironing. Just like you! I love the way we create order for ourselves when things are turned upside down.

    Lv, Holly

  6. Tee says:

    I clean out closets and throw things away. Been doing that a lot lately. Ha!

  7. Kim Brody says:

    Interesting….my pillow cases are usually (metaphorically) ironed, so when change occurs for me, my bed becomes just the opposite, crumpled, wrinkled, lumped blankets and sheets….more chaos created in the midst of change. I think it’s a defense mechanism….deep thoughts, Lara. WOW! You’ve got something here that I need to explore more and more. Thanks!

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